Hurting again

I got a call from a friend of A's. So, apparently he is able to call out. He just hasn't felt like calling me or his children. He told his friend to tell me to give him his wallet and all of the immigration papers he's received so far. He asked him to call around and find him a lawyer.

I found out that he's told his friend long ago that he was tired of me, that I didn't keep the house the way he wanted it, that I didn't fix myself up, that I was fat. They (or at least this one) knew about the other women, about the child he had 4 years ago. They've been lending him money (I guess he spends all his money on the other women and their kids.)

I feel so humiliated. All these people that don't even know me are thinking that I'm this fat slob pig and no wonder he has to go to other women. And maybe they're right. I don't really know how to keep house like I'd want, I can't figure out how to organize, but when I'd try to decorate, he'd criticize it, when I tried to cook, he'd usually make me cry and eventually I just gave up. And I am fat. I don't know how to fix myself up nice and I haven't even been able to buy myself a pair of shoes in over 3 years, much less nice clothes. I feel so disgusting right now.