What do I do? What do I believe?

As you know from my previous posts, my husband is in jail because of immigration issues. He has been unfaithful to me throughout our marriage pretty much. There are issues brought up in a prayer thread on a message forum that I need to explore (possible emotional abuse, codependency, etc)

Well, he called a couple nights ago and said that he felt like he was going crazy in there, like he didn't want to live, etc. He said that he wanted to see the kids and to please take them to visit him. He said he also wanted to see me, he's been doing a lot of thinking.

Probably the wrong choice, but I took the kids today. They each talked to him for a few minutes and then I talked to him.

He repeated what he said on the phone and told me that there was a group of guys who do like a prayer group every night so he's been going to that and he's been praying and asking God what he's supposed to do. He said that he realized how much he's hurt me, that I don't deserve the way he's treated me, that he needed me to ask for forgiveness, etc. He said that if he is able to get out and stay in the country, that he will be very different, things would be very different, that he will work hard for us, spend his time with the family, teach the kids how to do things, find places to volunteer with them, etc. I told him I have no answer because of everything he's done before, the years of crying, wondering when he'll get home, who he was with, the constant lies... He said that even if I didn't forgive him, he still felt that he had to tell me how sorry he was and at least ask for forgiveness.

What am I supposed to do? I don't know how to trust myself to make any decisions, I don't think I have any instincts left. One moment I know that proceeding with the divorce is the right thing, even though its not what I ever wanted. Then I think, but what if he is telling the truth, what if he is a changed man, maybe I need to give him another chance. Then I think, but its so easy to say you're sorry and you want to change when you're in jail. Especially in his case, where his only chance of staying in the country depends on me applying and petitioning on his behalf again, this time before a judge. So I keep going round and round in circles.

I feel so sick to my stomach and my head is spinning. Help!?!??!